Last night, I talked to Asmaa’s sister in Jordan and was comforted to know they were ok when we spoke, so I decided not to call until this afternoon.

I called and called and called and called and called but was not able to get through. I called Jordan again, to see if Asmaa’s sister talked to them again.

Hi habibti, how are you? I ask her. Her voice is always strong, never wavering even though I know her well and know that her worry is ever present.

“I’m good, how are you?” she replies.

Good, good, did you talk to them? I ask, my heart is always with them always wondering.

“Yeah, I did. My grandfather died yesterday,” she says as her voice drops suddenly.

WHAT DO YOU MEAN? HOW? my heart sinks I don’t know how to absorb what she is saying. My mind stretches with images of Souad weeping at the loss of her father. I am AFRAID. CONFUSED. I think that maybe ISRAEL hit them AGAIN while I was asleep. I should’ve forced myself to stay awake and called last night. A panic ensues in my brain and I can’t control it. HOW? I repeat.

“He was in the school, he and my uncles. He was sick from the stress and fear. Yesterday, he begged them to take him home. Once he got home, he became comfortable…then he died,” she says with sadness.

I begin to recall a conversation I had with Souad….

I remember that Souad told me he was afraid to go back home, that he was vomiting and not well. I remember that he had told her that they wouldn’t go home because they were afraid to die that HE wanted to LIVE. I remember her saying he said he would stay in the school as long as they had to because they couldn’t trust ISRAEL.

Yet, yesterday he begged them to take him HOME and once HOME he put his head down and died.

I finish my call with Asmaa’s sister and dial them again. I’ve tried all their numbers the line goes straight into voicemail. Even their phones are mourning him, I think to myself. I stop and use my mind to imagine what they are doing now and I join their mourning.

I imagine they are mourning him at HOME and that he is no longer afraid because he is finally resting, at HOME.